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:iconelisiabattell: More from elisiabattell


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Submitted on
March 17, 2007
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I reach for a hand that's not there. You smile and fall and put on a stare, you're scared, you're lost, and for christ's sake, your eyes aren't deceiving your biggest mistake. You skip hearts you drown beats and you're starting to scare me, losing grip, fighting reality, you're starting to tear away my biggest defence, my violent arguments and for once in your life you're shutting me up. You're telling me you've had enough. And with a simple brush, of lips you declare you're going to give me your courage, your everything. Even that burning sting developing behind your eyes when you're dying to cry, covering up lies, devoring obvious ties. I know it's not the same (fingers moving, heart racing) and it's definetly not the fame (shaking arms, kissing teeth) but maybe it's the shame. Yeah, it's gotta be the shame. Biting skin, licking flesh, devouring this mess of an excuse of an illusion of a girl, a silhouette of perfection mixed with neglation, cut and diced with rejection. I'll love you, you'll love me, we'll both be happy. You've got it all in your head, but you'll dread what I've said and you can't help but say, "I promise everything'll be okay."

We both drown in our secrets and hell, we drown in our lust, this shit's a bust but no one's making a fuss. And we're trying to keep all of our vows burried deep but amongst stolen kisses our eyes sink ships, but we've seen this before. We've been here before, and you're starting to feel like a whore. Begging for more, hips getting sore. But you despise me and I despise you (fingers moving, heart racing), and I'm sure you want to end me too. Eventually I'm seeing you holding a gun, it's ten minutes later, you're sick of the fun. You put it to my chest and wish me the best, but I'm quick to promise that I'm not done yet. (shaking arms kissing teeth) I watch your finger pull the trigger, body shivers and I feel my heart getting bigger.

I fall to the floor, feet swollen and body sore, I'm screaming in pain from the wound and I hear...

"Two, Three, Four. Baby, you're dying hardcore." You laugh and smile, in a childish style you lower you're forefinger and thumb. Your substitute for a real gun. "I guess that makes me number one."

"No, you're just fucking dumb."
This makes the most sense to me i think. So don't tell me you don't understand it because it's not supposed to make sense to everyone. It's like a combination to something that you can't figure out.

And if you have, I commend you.

BTW. If you didn't catch it.

No one got shot. Notice the "you lower you're forefinger and thumb. Your substitute for a real gun."

You know when you make the hand symbol for a gun? That's all it is.

Role play if you will.

But role play reminds me of something that reminds me of something I shouldn't be thinking about.

But i'm awful that way so lets just call it messing around. Kay?

(andyesthisproovesimgoingtohell)

But you haven't read half of what I've wrote.


SRSLY NOW I'M DONE.

Sweet dreams. (sweet=g rated. PG if you're nice to me)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbloodyangel361:
bloodyangel361 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008
I like how it rhymes even though the lines are in paragraphs. The ending is fantastic; this story makes a very powerful impact on me.

Good job, partnah. ;D
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008
Gah. Thankyou. <3333 partnah.
Reply
:iconbloodyangel361:
bloodyangel361 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2008
No problems. <3
Reply
:icontumbup:
TumbUp Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2008
I dunno ....You..Touch me ...Deeply and i"am happy!
Reply
:iconjules1983:
Jules1983 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
This has been featured in my journal: [link] - if you wish for it to be removed, let me know :heart:
Reply
:iconkonjuku:
Konjuku Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2008  Student Writer
Reminds me of a poem of mine, at the end. Where I use a play on words to describe the other's words as bullets. Sort of ahha.

Sticking to your poem, I think it would do amazing as a Spoken Word poem. If you ever decide to recite it, please record!
Reply
:icondevilsrejectedsoul:
devilsrejectedsoul Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
hehe...i printed this and putted on my wall like not too long ago XD
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
Fer serious? 8D? <33
Reply
:icondevilsrejectedsoul:
devilsrejectedsoul Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
mhmm ^_^
Reply
:icondragondemongal:
dragondemongal Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2008
nice job is good
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2008
thanks. :]
Reply
:iconxinsanity-victimx:
XInsanity-VictimX Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2007
im starting to really love your writting :heart: you write the way i could only wish i could O_____O :+fav:
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
OMFG. How'd I miss your comment? XD

I don't write the way I wish I could. :] Thanks a ton bb. <33
Reply
:iconxinsanity-victimx:
XInsanity-VictimX Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
I have no ideaaaa D: I forgot I commented it XD

But you still write awesoooooome <3333
Reply
:iconchristiana:
christiana Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2007
LOVE this. Fuck yes! :) wonderful.
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2007
Thank you so much! <3
Reply
:iconemoislooove:
EMOisLOOOVE Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007   Photographer
Wow. This is easily some of the best writing I have seen in a while. I read it a couple times, because that iis how good it is. XD :+favlove:
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007
Reaallyyy? :] <3 Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that, I'm lacking in motivation.
Reply
:iconemoislooove:
EMOisLOOOVE Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2007   Photographer
Yup! Well, good. XD I'm gald to help, but it is completely true! ^^
Reply
:icon92monkeys:
92monkeys Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2007
Like someone above said, I love the flow - how it reads like poetry, especially with the refrains ("(fingers moving, heart racing)"), but seems to go so much more smoother because of the paragraph format. The title is ace, too.
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2007
Thanks you so much. <3
Reply
:icon92monkeys:
92monkeys Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2007
Like someone above said, I love the flow - how it reads like poetry, especially with the refrains ("(fingers moving, heart racing)"), but seems to go so much more smoother because of the paragraph format. The title is ace, too.
Reply
:icondevilsrejectedsoul:
devilsrejectedsoul Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
"(andyesthisproovesimgoingtohell)"
Me too lol i like this ^.^
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2007
Thanks so much! :]
Reply
:iconshuathewookie:
shuathewookie Featured By Owner May 18, 2007   Photographer
amazing , like you said i don't undestand it completely but that doesnt matter cause its beautiful! should be a song. lol
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
:] Thanks a ton.
Reply
:icondracken2332:
dracken2332 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2007
interesting...again nice flow, you should be writing poetry... Even if I don't understand all teh dynamics of the couple(the whole fake gun thing) I did get a very powerful image and a wonderfuly detailed feeling...as if I would be in front of a painting not a story. Great work, you somehow managed to use the words and discard them...if that makes any sense...
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2007
It's basically a group of metaphors, so it's kind of like....to understand it you don't look at the words, and the way they fit together. You look between the lines and take it with the complexity or simplicity of your own heart when it relates to the literature. I try to make my writing effect the reader just as much as they can be effected when faced with the same situation...but not everyone knows what to do with it. It's like a mental simulation. But thanks very much. I think I classified this as poetry, but I don't remember. I usually stick to stories, but lately I've been implying everything poetically. But thank you so much for the comment, very appreciated. :]
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:iconwordscantdescribe:
WordsCantDescribe Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2007
Yeah...Deffinately a favorite on this one. I might not understand this the way you do, but something about it reaches out to me, and reminds me of something.

Good job! *thumbs up*
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
thanks!!!
Reply
:iconhysteriainrouge:
HysteriaInRouge Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2007   Photographer
I love it. The style is so unique, I can't quite put my finger on it. Anyway, this gets a fav.
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2007
Thank youuuu

I don't know if I like it as much as I want to.

It seems rushed...well..it was rushed.

and like...it could be better, y'know?

But thanks so much. <3 So appreciated.
Reply
:icondemon-angel-princess:
Demon-angel-princess Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
OMG INSTANT FAV, Just add water.

I love this, total love.
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2007
thanks. :]

And i totally love that comment.
Reply
:icondemon-angel-princess:
Demon-angel-princess Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
your welcome..and you like the comment??wow
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2007
WOW I KNOW EH?
Reply
:icondemon-angel-princess:
Demon-angel-princess Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
yeah..wow
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
wow.
Reply
:iconsillymongoose:
SillyMongoose Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2007
xD NIGHTY NIGHTZORZ. o-o
Reply
:iconsillymongoose:
SillyMongoose Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2007
My comments suck. I meant to say I loovvee ittt too. :]
Reply
:iconelisiabattell:
elisiabattell Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2007
Bahah Thankyouuuu. <3

And nighty nightzorz to you too bb. :]
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